I've tried, I have really tried. I have told myself over and over again that it's me or something I am doing wrong (maybe I doubt too much, maybe it's my past) but I have to be honest with myself, no matter how hard I try, I will never trust you. I've realized it's also not my fault. It was you who chose to be shady, leaving out details, lying and getting caught in the lie and then lying more to cover your tracks. It was me who knew better but would continually give you another chance to do better, make it right but you simply couldn't.
Trust is such a delicate thing. Perhaps I am naive, I give people my trust immediately assuming they are of the same mind (an honest person), however it always shocks me when I catch them in a lie. I simply don't understand why people do it. I never have, I never will. I have always been straight up and the funny thing is, most people can't handle that but I am honest and straight up for my sense of peace.
From my experience once the trust has been broken, you can never get it back despite how much you try. There is always that underlying sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach of "what if he is lying?" and then you start to spin out of control. It has also been my experience that if they are lying about the small things, they are lying about the big things, and how can you base a relationship on lies and mistrust? You simply can't and better yet why would you want to ?
I understand you can love someone, and not wanting to let that person go because of they love you have for them, however what about the love and respect you have for yourself? Do you not deserve an open, honest and transparent partner ? Yes you do. It boils down to you having to get honest with yourself and deciding what you are willing to put up with.
I have a man who has been trying to be with me for several years, I have given him time and time again to get his shit together, ,and do what I deem is right however he just cannot. I find the lack of details in his communication leaves too much room for interpretation. I have caught him in a lie and I have tried to overlook it, however I find each time that "something comes up", I would find myself questioning if that is true, then doubting myself and putting myself down for mistrusting. I like him, and I know if we had formulated a relationship we could have been an amazing power couple, but I have to be honest with myself and tonight is that night. I will never trust him, no matter how hard I try or lie to myself. I just won't and honestly I do not want that in my life. I want a partner who I trust, a person who is clear and upfront and provides me with details. I don't want to have to be probing for questions, I expect the information to flow freely, naturally and with ease.
I had a special place in my heart for this person, I had hoped that one day ... it would happen and then I realized I have been fooling myself all along. That is not the personality type I want in my life, are there some amazing qualities ? Sure but lying is one quality I chose not to live with.
I believe that when the right person walks into your life, there will be no need to question. Trust will be given on both sides, there will be mutual respect and maturity to handle any situation that comes at you.
So in order to gain trust with your partner, you first have to stop lying to yoursef.
