We've all heard the saying, it's better to have love and lost than to have never have loved at all and I couldn't agree more.
I want you to think back, for some of you it would be way back to when you were young and you encountered your first love. For some of us it may have just been recently that you had your first love. All you could do is think about that person obsessively all day, all night, you felt that your world started and ended with them. The excitement you would get when you were on your way to go see them, the nervousness in your stomach when you got there, the sweaty palms anticipating that first kiss. It was all so magical. The happiness you would feel whenever they would call or walk by you in the hallway etc etc. Your world just seemed so much better with them in it. The days you didn't see them or talk to them just didn't seem right, it felt like something was missing. The joy of your day was gone.
Overtime things changed, feelings dulled, fights happened, the honeymoon period was over. Then things ended. You were hurt, devastated, distraught and retreated to your personal fortress where you were safe. You started to build walls around your heart, you vowed never, would you ever feel that pain again. As time went on the walls grew taller and thicker. You stopped taking chances, you stopped trusting and you stopped believing in love.
Some days you would crave connection. You would feel brave and you would come down the stairs of your tower to make it to the outside wall but never open up the gate and cross the bridge for fear of being attacked. You deemed everyone that came to call was just like all the others before them who had hurt you. You shut down, you told yourself you were fine, you were ok, you were good alone and don't need anything like that as its all bullshit anyway.
Then one day, someone comes along and as difficult as it is, they break down those walls, you start opening up, trusting again and once again life is complete. You are alive, you are in love and all is great in the world. You start to have feelings again. You experience emotion again after you thought for sure you would be numb forever. However this is short lived and all is destroyed yet again. The pain and despair returns. This time though you are different. You've grown. You have learned from your past mistake of shutting down and wasting years of your life in isolation. You analyze, criticize, cry, release, forgive and make a conscious choice that this time, you are not going to let the fact that one person who didn't know how to love you, dictate your future of meeting the person who can love you.
We all make mistakes in life and in love. Despite personalty types, everyone is going to hurt you on some level (unintentionally). The decision is deciding who is worth weathering the storm with. There a quote I love, which is .. Love is not about finding someone you can live with, its about finding someone you cannot live without.
I have loved, I have lost and after having the greatest love of my life destroy me on so many different levels, I had a choice to make. I could either stay safe and avoid finding the right one or I could heal, realize the reality of the situation and keep a positive outlook that there is hope of finding the one who will be the right fit.
If we use a modern day comparison, love can be like shoe shopping. You see an amazing pair in the window and rush in to try them on, you are relieved they have them in your size, but you get them on and although it looks good, they just don't fit right. Does that mean you stop shoe shopping? NO .. hello who the hell stops shoe shopping lol ? It means you keep looking, maybe you go into every store in the mall, and maybe you don't find that perfect pair that day and you go home disappointed. But one day, unexpectedly you are walking through the mall, you have gone for jeans but out of the corner of your eye, there is a red pair of pumps that catch your eye. You think "man they are gorgeous but what am I going to wear them with?" Despite your hesitations, you go in, try them on and they are fabulous, they fit amazing and are even on sale! Those become your most favorite pair of shoes ..
If you have ever had a serious, true, rare love be thankful, some people never experience that in their life. Some people settle for mediocrity while others never fully open themselves up and allow love in. True love is magical, it will change your life. If it ends, it ends but be thankful that you were blessed to have that experience.
I had so many other entries to publish before this one, ,but I just couldn't wait. I am bothered, annoyed even. I understand that most of society does not share the same values as me, but I truly wish they did. Am I saying there is a right or wrong? No, but I think a little more decorum could be used when choosing a partner. Just so that we are clear, I have had this convo with both men and women so before you jump all over me for having double standards, just know I don't.
I think in today's society of quick fulfillment, people have truly lost the principal or ideal of what sex, or love making is really about. Most are using it as a quick self gratification tool and a distraction method and then wonder why they are left feeling so empty afterwards.
Learn to value yourself and your body. Sex is magical, special and a wonderful way not only to manifest but to also evoke creative abilities. To me, sex is sacred and only to be shared with that one special person whom I will let enter my body as well my soul. It's about connection on such a deep powerful level.
What annoys me is being able to clearly see how people are engaging in such a powerful act before even knowing the person on a soul level. I understand that sex is essential to any given relationship but are you truly assessing who you are sharing your mind, body and soul with before you commit such a sacred act? The answer I receive from most people is NO.
I am currently watching a series which is amazing, but what is troubling to see is how many partners each woman has chosen to commit such a loving act with, without even knowing who they are getting in to bed with.
I,like you don't want to waste time, and the argument is always well what if I invest time into liking that person and then when we have sex it's terrible? Yes that is a true concern, however if you have spent time getting to know the person on a soul level and if the sex is lacking, could you not work on it to see if you could make it better? Don't get me wrong in my younger years I have walked away but I did make the effort to try and make things better first, but I did so because I knew the soul of the person I was dealing with and had established that he was worth trying for.
Sex changes everything in a relationship, it introduces new emotions and facets, so knowing the person ahead of time helps you determine if sex should even be introduced into the equation. Women say they can handle being a friends with benefits but as soon as the act is done, emotions start flowing and the dynamics change. However the better question is .. why would you want to be a friend with benefits? Are you not worthy of more? Are you not worthy of all your dreams and desires?
Let me ask you this ... what's wrong with waiting? What's wrong with old fashioned courting? The innocence of holding hands, the first kiss, light petting, foreplay? Does anyone complain about those things? Let the anticipation build, are we all forgetting that the anticipation is usually the best part? Maybe its just me and my naivety.
I am not even going to discuss the topic of potentially sexually transmitted disease or fear of pregnancy. But i'd be asking myself .. "is this dick worth dying for?", If we are not both going to the doctors and receiving clean bills of health then wtf am I hoping into bed with you for ?
Do I miss certain things? For sure .. but am I willing to force a connection with someone to get those things ? HELL NO ... my suggestion is you work on perfecting yourself and your masturbation techniques. That will fulfill you in more ways then I will describe in this blog post.
So through this dating site, they are now offering people to go live. I wasn't sure how I felt about doing such a thing, I have gone live on my Instagram but it's a smaller audience and some of the people I know. I decided what the hell, what did I really have to lose? So I showered and did my hair and voila, after working through the technical kinks I was ready! It was one of the best things I had done since in self isolation (aside from all the healing I've been doing). It's been fun, funny, informative and so much more. I have chatted with some nice people. It too has helped me notice how far I have come along in my personal development.
The first night I was in the chat a girl came in and insulted me telling me that I needed to fix my makeup. LOL "first of all bitch I am not wearing any .. and secondly do you even own a mirror?" I asked. Don't come into my domain and start insulting me, it wont bode well for you. Between that and my extreme personality I quickly became the throat punch lady. I went on several nights in a row, one night doing a dj battle, another night having jokes at someone else's expense, another night it was me doing sit ups as my opponent didn't show but I can see some friendships forming. These people have gone out of their way to promote my Youtube videos to other participants while in the chat. Some have even reached out to me on other platforms to ask me when I am doing my next live. One guy said that it's the hardest he's laughed since this whole pandemic started, another said that its the hardest he's laughed ever.
It was so nice that for several hours, we were all able to get lost and pleasantly distracted from the current state of chaos. These people are from all over the world. They come back to view my lives as they enjoy who I am as a person. They said that amongst all the lives that mine is entertaining, fun and smart. I clicked on to see what other people were doing, some girls dancing to make money or doing workouts and using their body or taking things to a sexual level, but I like the fact that I don't have to.
Have there been some trolls? Yes for sure, within the same week I had two men come in and right off the bat tell me that I am fat. I did curse them off and made the regret the day they were born but I noticed how much I have grown spiritually, before I would have let a comment like that OCD in my mind and bug me for days. Now I just let it roll off my back. Last night a guy came in and said "your nose is bigger than the 401" to which I replied .. 'its still bigger than your dick"' if you are trying to pick a battle or wit or words, wrong chat to step into.
Last night I had my boys there while I made cupcakes, tonight it was steak and spinach. Its nice to check in daily with these people and see how people are holding up during their day. I feel like Norm walking into "cheers".
Its honesty been an experience i didnt expect in a million years. I am loving it. If ever you care to join me .. download Skout or Meetme and look me up. Imsimplydynamic is my line across all my platforms.
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Keeping this one private for now.
