You

I recently got brave enough to go out on a few dates. It’s been an interesting ride I will say that for sure. This post however is about being you. Unapologetically, real, raw you.

I never understood this concept of pretending to be somebody that you’re not. I guess for me when it comes to loving yourself, personality wise I love myself it’s the exterior that I feel needs work. But I’m guessing some people have issues with their personality? 

The latest date said to me he could tell the type of person I was with in the first two minutes of meeting me, he said it was refreshing. He said most people are always trying to pretend or hide who they are but he said “not you” he said within the first two minutes I was saying “fuck this and fuck that and fuck fuck fuck”. I started to laugh my head off, I thought it was hilarious cause I didn’t even remember saying it. The way I look at it is this I will never try to pretend to be somebody that I am not, you either like me or you don’t. And it’s fine if you don’t like me I am not everybody’s cup of tea Nor do I need someone’s validation in order to feel whole. I’ve never been the type of person that seek approval from people. Have I wished some people liked me if I was interested in them yes but was a willing to change, pretend or sacrifice who I am in order for that to happen?  NO!

We all have issues, we all have trauma.Why hide and pretend you don’t?  Either someone is going to like you or they’re not and if someone doesn’t like you don’t waste your time and energy trying to change their mind because you could be missing out on the person who is going to love, except and cherish you for you the way you are. We all have gifts to offer, some of us just don’t realize what our gifts are yet. I believe in being straight up and honest from the start. If you ask me how my day went and I was sad, I’ll tell you I was sad today it was a really rough day.  I’ll tell you I have SADS and high anxiety.  I am very transparent, that way you know what you’re getting into and you can clearly decide if you want to continue or not. 

Moral of this post ... Just be you man !  Be authentic and let the chips fall where they fall.  Who needs or wants fake people in their life.  I’d rather be alone then with people who are pretending to like me and then talk behind my back.

Connection ... oh how lost it is

 It’s funny, I was about to write another post when it came to me that I should write about connection.

Aside from human connection and the fact that we’ve lost how to communicate and how to connect with people everything is now online, virtual and fake. 

I realized even writing has lost a bit of its connection. Back in the day we would take a pen and a paper and we would write. Then pen and paper became ribbon to paper aka a typewritter.  After that we introduced the computer, even with a computer you can still type keys however now a days I can just dictate everything into my phone, but I must admit it doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel as if I’ve accomplished something when I do it this way. It feels like it’s missing something .. heart ?  Soul?  Perhaps the connection for me lays in the tapping of keys.  

When you look around you realize that we have prepared meals, in the grocery store there’s chopped up fruits and vegetables as if we can’t even do that anymore. Everything has become easy and fool proof. There’s no longer any effort that really needs to go into anything it’s just there. 

Want a meal?  Call Uber eats.  Want clothes shop online.  Need something? Order it and get it delivered next day .. why bother to go to the store ? When we can stay at home and avoid human contact.

We used to garden, we used to pay attention to the soil, seasons and we used to take pride in growing things now all we have to do is go to the grocery store when we need something and pick it up.

It’s kind of sad but everyone is looking for connection yet so afraid of actually putting themselves out there and if they do receive it, how to handle it when they get it. However a lot of people are afraid to even put an effort in to obtain it but perhaps the reason why they don’t put an effort in is because they haven’t had to put an effort anywhere else in their life. 

So the question now begs how do we get back to where we were? Can we even get back to where we were? Should we even go back to where we were? Or will North America become like some societies where everything is stone cold, depersonalized and literally you can pay someone (a stranger) to come hug you hold you and pretend to be your friend for a while.